Another fear is in the offing........

Just a few months back I wrote a blog regarding my son. It was all about a mother's fear setting her kid off to college life. This blog is cohered to that. Anyway, a few weeks ago, I got word that my son was chosen by the university to apply for the Study Abroad program. He is being geared to study in California for two years. When I got the text from the school I was stupefied, it was like the world was put to a halt. I was speechless for awhile and my mind went blank....

Shortly thereafter, my son texted me telling me the same thing and likewise asked if I would give him the permission to study abroad. So I asked him, if he would like to and he unyieldingly said yes. As soon as I got home, thats when it all sank in. It will still be in a year's time though. However, thinking about how things will be then just gives me the creeps. Tears (again) kept falling. Im still adjusting w/ our current setup, him having to come home once in awhile. There were times that he couldnt come home for 3 weeks due to his busy schedule. And during those times My heart just goes in shambles because I miss him sooo badly. He would often send me a msg that he misses us so much and that he wants to come home, he misses his bed, he misses my cooking, he misses goofing around with us and he simply misses the warmth of his own home. And hearing those from him just breaks my heart. But like he would often say, Mom this is just part of the entire "growing up" thing, so we have to live with it. Yeah I said to myself it IS part of it. Besides, we can always come over to visit. But now that this opportunity came, things will definitely be different. He will be thousands of miles away from us. And this will be for 2 long agonizing years. I wonder how life would be when that time comes. I still have a year to be with him and making the most out of it would somehow be a constraint considering the "few times" we spend together. Oh geez, I pray to God that when that time comes, the Lord Almighty will just equip me with the strength to see him go and be on his own. I have always been clingy when it comes to my kids...who wouldnt be? theyre the only ones ive got!! I sometimes ask is love really this way??? does it always have to be allied with pain??? I know my kids deserve nothing but the best, but giving them the best means tearing your heart into pieces. And they say moms are expected to do everything just to give them the so-called "best"....yeah the struggles of being a mom....I just hope I still have the remains of my heart after all these have passed. The way its been going my heart has been torn countless times but I have no regrets, I dont mind giving until nothing is left of me, just as long as I see the people I love in a better place. Thats the story and thats the glory of love!!!