Im tired.....

Its been soooooo long since I last tried blogging and like I said in my previous blogs, I usually find the urge to write when my emotions are on extremes, either I feel ecstatic or feeling rather really low, unfortunately, as i write this blog, I am at my lowest......

How do i begin?maybe it would be better if i start giving a background on how everything started. To begin with, this is all about the matters of my heart. Many years back, I met this guy who I never thought would be an integral part of my life. We started out as merely textmates, he was a complete stranger to me. He just sent me this message from friendster (boooo ya soooo outdated) anyhoo, we exchanged messages and eventually led on to exchanging numbers and became textmates. After a few weeks of texting each other, he just stopped. During those times I was in a middle of a relationship, which was then on the rocks. So when I finally ended that relationship, suddenly he started sending me messages again. Until that day when we finally met. He wasnt my type, I mean I wasnt attracted to him at first, I didnt get those butterflies in the stomach, no ringing bells in my ears neither were there goosebumps. It was just a typical meeting. So we went on that way, and occassionally we saw each other. Time went by and we got closer. For more than a year, everything between us was just platonic. He became my best friend. Now here goes the sad part...........unexpectedly, I fell for him. Never have I planned falling for him....

Years went by, the struggle of trying to let go of him ensued. I was hurt several times upon learning of different women entering his life. Yet, I continued loving him in silence. Unrequited love is definitely the hardest thing one can ever go through.

Now, I feel I'm slowly getting tired. Tired from all the hurt, rejection and all the other things that would make you feel that you are nothing in the life of that person you have fallen for. I have always prayed for strength to finally have the guts to just walk away. I need to, I have to and I must!! True some things are easier said than done..........I wish I knew how to just go and leave without turning back, without falling weak and without regretting what might have been.........