It rains and it pours

There is this saying that when it rains, it pours…damn it is soooo true. My previous blogs were mostly about my fear, now its another thing..

A week after my son left the house, my dear daughter got sick, and that day (Saturday) was just terrible, it was a nightmare for me. I was panic stricken, as I thought i would lose her, we rushed her to the doctor and was diagnosed to have complexed ruptured eardrum due to her colds, the day after that incident my son started complaining of muscle pains and started to have low grade fever. Come monday, he started having dizzy spells and fever started to rise to a soaring high. That same day, it came out on the news that UST had 2 cases of this damn A(h1n1)virus. And worst, the students found to be positive with the said virus were in the same bldg that my son was in. UST has not made any move about this, they did not suspend classes neither did they do any random check on students. Damn that school! Anyway, my son is now getting all the symptoms, so he was rushed to UST hospital and surprisingly, they did not do any medical checkup but just asked several questions and asked him to rush to san lazaro hospital instead for the swab test, my son, along with his cousin went to the said hospital and was given the swab test and was asked to wait til saturday for the results, he was not prescribed any medicine but was just advised to go on self quarantine, dang! The test was conducted yesterday, tuesday (june 25) and we have to wait for 3-4 days for the result, geez thats 4 looong fucking days! anything can happen in between those days, and all we have to do is just wait! Fuck! and here i am tortured on how my son is doing, my only means to know whats happening is through text/call…how frustrating this is for me. I want to see my son!

I dont know if I can hold on any longer, these problems seem to come endlessly, I need strength and dont know if i can still go on and think sanely on the right thing to do. I mentioned this in my previous blogs several times, I am a mom, and now its sinking that being a mom (a single mom that is) is not as easy as i thought it was. I admit, I am now at my weakest, I am helpless and drained. Tears and words of comfort from dear friends is all that i have right now, I hope its enough to armor me with the strength that i badly need. It is in these very trying times that i yearn for my parents immensely, God i wish my mom and dad were here with me to assure me that everything will be alright. Last night, i was crying while praying to God to extend his healing power to my son, I cried out for my mom and dad to help me reach the lines to heaven as I feel that God is not listening to all my prayers, i feel so hopeless, desolated, forlorned and just so tired….im tired of seeing my kids in this situation, I wish I could just take all their pain away, if i can only carry everything for them, without batting an eyelash, I WOULD! I hope God spares my kids from pain….if He can only assure me of this, Im willing to live a life of pain, just to see my kids happy and safe….I hope this rain stops….i dont think i can take more of it…..